at least now i know for the next time i meet someone to not give them everything i have to offer.
everyone keeps telling me its for the better and that any guy would love to have me. if thats true then why doesn't the guy i want, want to have me?
i can't figure out what i did wrong, or what went wrong. i have never been punished for being good to someone, and for some reason thats what i feel like i'm being punished for.
every little thing that is going changed because of this breaks my heart more and more. every thought of sitting next to him in class, not being able to hold his hand, or him rubbing my leg, being silly drawing cute obscene pictures on my papers, the thought of no kissing when its goodbye time, no i love you when its time for bed, the thought of my future without him, the thought of no longer getting married. having tan children with blond hair and my nose and his beautiful teeth.
its killing me.
i just wish he would've never forgave me for the past, so then this wouldn't be happening. and it'd end with me being the bad guy but at least it would have a real reasoning for me to be the shitty one.
jeez the things i did for him, the things i said to him, the things i told him, the things i showed him. i can't stop thinking about it all.
i guess trust really can kill a relationship in the blink of an eye, and boy.. did it ever.
one year, and five days, and now its dead.
everything you just wrote and your last post just proves to you that you deserve so much better and that you are doing the right thing. you didn't do anything wrong and you shouldn't feel like you did. once the trust is lost it's hard to get it back and stuff keeps happening for you to lose complete trust in him. it would be impossible for him to get your full trust back and a relationship should be based on trust.
ReplyDeletei know it doesn't feel like it but this is a good choice. you can't keep going insane over the same stuff over and over. and you complain about being so negative all the time now, in due time you'll be back to your old happy self.
dont worry dangie... i know who it feels... 2years and 1 day for me... its shitty.. and it doesnt get better very easily.
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